Looking for that silver lining?

Ouch and ouch again. These are depressing times. Credit crunch, the rand going to hell (but coming back, hopefully), our pension funds disappearing into a black hole, houses and cars being repossessed and economists around the world totally in the dark as to what will happen next.

Up with socialism and communism and down with
dirty capitalistic greed!

Never thought I would say that but it is tongue in cheek, of course. But I bet our Commy Comrades in the SACP are laughing (but not all the way to the bank).

The way the greedy Americans and others have let this whole situation explode in the faces of the ordinary man and woman is quite tragic.

As for the banks in the dwang, I have no sympathy. I had my eyes opened the other day when I spoke to my financial guru and again was shocked when all the bank charges were pointed out to me plus how much interest we pay on our credit cards.

All I can say is that how the heck did so many banks get into trouble when they charge their clients astronomical and downright unfair amounts?

And as banks close down and people lose their savings and miss out on paying their bills, I bring you some light relief.

Apparently this email has been circulating but it just landed in my inbox and I had to chuckle loudly, especially the last sentence.

It is supposedly a genuine letter written to shopping giant Truworths from a man struggling to keep up his payments.

Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated July 7, 2008, in which for the third time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to pay as soon as possible.

However I would like to bring to your attention that you are not my only creditor.

I have many more creditors, quite as honourable and important as you, and whom I wish to pay too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly. The one drawn is paid immediately. I hope that yours will come out soon.

Sincerely Yours

Mr No-pay.

PS: I regret to inform you that given the harsh and threatening tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.

We do need all the light relief we can get, so bring you another e-mail which surfaced.

This is a list of answers from test papers submitted to science teachers by primary, high school, and varsity students: The spellings are the original ones.

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the heart until the heart stop.

Finally while the world crumbles, it was time last
Sunday to say happy birthday to one place in Durban where the fun never sets - Billy the Bums, which celebrated its 12th birthday.

Last Sunday the popular pub/restaurant in Windermere Road, which is a favourite watering hole among Sharks players, was packed for a special party with a Las Vegas casino theme.

Everything was on the house (I suppose the house always rules in a Casino!) and it was great to see Durban's beautiful people let their hair down.

After a long week of bad economic news, it was just the tonic we all needed. And yes, yet again the Mayor of Windermere Road and I were among the last to leave.

We partied like there was no following day, but when the following day did come, it wasn't very pleasant.

• This article was originally published on page 2 of The Daily News on October 13, 2008